Each day the typical credit union communicates with thousands of members. At least 10 percent of all member interactions include formal written communication—"form letters"—generated by computers. Further, each day hundreds of e-mails and dozens of personalized, individually written letters are sent to members, at a cost ranging from $13.60 to $20.50 each, according to research done in 1996 by the Dartnell Institute of Management.

Current research on customers and readers indicates they are in a hurry; they don't read most messages, opting instead to glance at a message and maybe read a word or two in each section or not to read the message at all. In 1995, the average person received five e-mail messages daily; today it's 21. If communication is money, what is your CU's return on investment for its communications?

Realizing that every letter or e-mail provides an opportunity to make a good impression, staff members at IBM Texas Employees Federal Credit Union asked these questions: 

• Are these "10 and 20 dollar bills" (the approximate cost of sending these messages) hitting their marks?
• What impact does this communication have on members?

This article describes how IBM Texas EFCU developed a team to assess and improve its written communication with members. A four-stage process was used to improve communication: evaluating, learning, revising and more revising.

EVALUATING, LEARNING, WRITING AND RE-WRITING
Stage 1: Evaluating. Stage one was a review and analysis of existing electronic form messages, including letters welcoming new members, letters granting credit, letters refusing credit, letters raising a credit limit and letters concerning overdrafts.

Stage 2: Learning. Stage two was a four-hour workshop with the theme "writing is a skill, not a gift!" In the workshop, 37 selected employees from information technology, marketing, training, loans, personnel and administration reviewed writing techniques and principles. The first part of the workshop covered:

• persuasion and rhetoric,
• goal, purpose and intent,
• audience,
• clarity, style and tone,
• design,
• team writing with a focus on editing and working with others,
• message beginnings and endings, and
• words as pictures.

Part two of the workshop emphasized:

• writers' energy cycles (when they have the most energy and focus for writing),
• breaking the habit of procrastination, and
• dynamism (participants plotted the lengths of sentences to determine if variety was being used).

Employees also focused on three segments of effective writing—creating, shaping and completing—using such principles as positive tone, "can" vs. "can't" statements, clarity, conciseness, completeness, specificity, preciseness, organization, active vs. passive tone, proofreading and accuracy.

As each concept was introduced and discussed, the CU's actual letters were used as examples. The workshop concluded with a case study exercise requiring attendees to apply what they learned under timed conditions.

Before the workshop, attendees had submitted a list of individual and organizational goals as well as at least four samples of letters their department sent to customers. Attendees also selected and brought two individual writing samples to the workshop.

Stage 3: Revising. This stage occurred a week after the workshop. Attendees met for four hours and worked in teams of three, discussing and applying the principles and techniques they had learned in revising self-selected correspondence.

At the end of the four hours, the typical team of three had revised five pieces of communication, not the 12 they collectively brought to the session. This stage re-emphasized these lessons: "Easy reading means hard writing"; and "There is no such thing as good writing, only good rewriting." The attendees left the session mentally exhausted, but emotionally energized.

Stage 4: More Revising. In this last stage, a team of editors met every week for an hour or two, revising and improving two letters. Letters were projected on a screen, discussed and revised in real time. Over the next several months, 200 pieces of computer-generated correspondence were evaluated and 129 revised and improved.

Here is what employee "editors" said about the experience:

• "I learned to focus on my purpose and my audience."
• "I learned not to use 'rubber stamps' and non-connecting phrases."
• "I now consider the purpose of my writing and start with a goal in mind."
• "I remember that most edits are missed at the beginning and end of a piece; that makes me triple check my beginnings and endings."
• "I realize how crucial it is to re-read every letter and e-mail before I send them."

MEMBER IMPACT
In addition to seeking input from employees, the CU now seeks feedback from members before and after launching new communication.

Here's what one member said about revisions to the CU's newsletter:

I had a chance to study the upcoming Plug In (newsletter) and it looks great! Hope my comments are useful in some way.

I really like the look and feel of this issue. In my opinion, the layout and design give this issue more of a Web page feel than the previous issue. The "links" and "text boxes" are more obvious—it looks more like an interactive Web page, which I believe is what you want. It has more of a 3D look to it, too.

I think you are targeting a diverse membership, which is a good thing. Forty years ago, when my dad was an IBMer, things were very different. There was a specific profile for corporate IBM. Today, there is so much diversity. My husband, sister, and brother-in-law are all IBMers, but they are all very different. I looked at the newsletter as if I were an "old school IBMer" and again as if I were someone much younger. There is definitely specific information for everyone: athletes, potential home buyers, families, retirees, folks with college-bound kids, etc. So, yes, relevant information is provided to a broad audience.

Thanks so much for asking for my feedback. I think the newsletter is great. Keep up the good work!

Karen

Do the revised letters impact member relations? This message from a member indicates they do.

  I was surprised and very pleased to receive a letter from David Pierce congratulating me on having been granted a patent. This patent application was filed some years ago and from time to time I had wondered what became of it.

I would be very pleased for you to publish this announcement on your Web site. I would also be interested to know in which issue of the Austin Business Journal you saw this announcement, so that I can contact the Journal and ask if they can send me a copy.

I very much appreciate the interest that IBMTEFCU takes in the accomplishments of its members. The letter from Mr. Pierce was the first news I had of my patent being granted. Since this is my first-ever patent grant, it is a very special event for me. Please pass on my thanks to Mr. Pierce for his letter.

Simon C.
Chief Technical Officer
IBM Java Technology

In addition, because the correspondence is now reader centered, specific, and provides examples where needed, the credit union has experienced fewer phone calls related to member questions or concerns regarding specific pieces of correspondence. Employees now have time to complete other tasks and to provide more strategic, personalized assistance to members.

While it's too early to completely quantify the success of the program, IBM Texas EFCU publications already get higher response rates than those of our peers, according to data from The Raddon Group , Oakbrook Terrace , Ill. , and our own internal research.

In all, IBM Texas EFCU staff members who participated in this project were engaged in two, four-hour sessions in a persuasive writing workshop, and then spent two hours each week over several months working in teams to improve the computer-generated messages sent to members.

By doing this, these employees have learned that good writing requires discipline, concentration and organization; knowledge of psychology, rhetoric and persuasion; and consistency in applying principles. However, the most important lesson learned was that effective writing and the messages produced build stronger, longer lasting member relationships. In short, impressions matter!

When was the last time your credit union evaluated the messages it sends to members?

CUES member David Pierce is VP/retail at $279 million IBM Texas Employees Federal Credit Union, Austin , Texas . Reach him at dpierce@ibmtefcu.org . James D. Bell, Ph.D ., is director of the Center for Entrepreneurial Studies and a professor of management at Southwest Texas State University , San Marcos , Texas . He has consulted with Fortune 500 companies for many years. Reach him at jb15@swt.edu .

GETTING IT 'WRITE'
Here's how one CU boosted the effectiveness of its member correspondence.

By David Pierce and James D. Bell, Ph.D.

From the February 2003 issue of Credit Union Management.